Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Happy- Go- Lucky Girl

Have I ever told you how much I love the sun?  Such a bright, happy ball of warmth.  Fills me with joy, it does.  Of course, as a rule, I am an optimist, so it doesn't take much to fill me with joy.  I have my moments however, like everyone else does, but they pass.  Life is about how you look at things.  I choose to find a silver lining in any cloud, and after a lifetime of practice, I've become pretty damn good at it.

Some people follow the Law of Attraction, and things in that vein, but it's not my thing.  I don't begrudge them their beliefs, so long as they respect mine.  It's been around for a long long time, and there is something to it, but it's not the be all, end all, in my opinion.  Like attracts like, eh?  Well, you reap what you sow, that's true, but there's more to it than that.  

I  think if you want to succeed at life, you need to work for it.  It's not enough to wish, you have to put some action behind it.  Life is about the process, not the end result.  I think if you try to remain positive and do the best you can to achieve your goals, then you've lived a good life.  To me, crediting a good outcome on some "law" negates all the hard work you put in.  

I know most people who follow a lot of these philosophies are sane, rational people, but there is that small handful that take it overboard.  Just like religion.  If you don't believe as I do, it's no wonder bad things happen.  That's not how life is at all.  Sometimes, shit just happens.  We can choose to learn from it, or we can dwell.  We don't need to be told that we "attracted" it.  Just because I don't believe in certain things doesn't mean I mean I am less positive, or that I deserve bad things to happen.  It just means I am different.

And anyway, how boring would life be if we all were the same?  I love that we're all so different.  We can have different views and still happily co-exist.  That's a pretty awesome thing right there. Just keep it respectful.


Saturday, May 14, 2011

It's The End Of The World...

With all the talk about the Rapture lately, anyone else find themselves singing, "It's the end of the world as we know it," in their heads on a regular basis?   Is it just me?  Surely I'm not the only neurotic one here.

I was all set for an apocalyptic end in 2012, but then a few months ago, I learned that the end was actually coming on May 21.  It must be true, too, because everybody's talking about it, and there's billboards popping up all over the place.  Truth in advertising, right?

Here it is, only 6 days away, and I haven't made any plans.  I thought I had longer, and the lack of a looming deadline tends to make me procrastinate.  So, what do I do?  Does anyone know what time it's at?  Is there a dress code? Is it family friendly, or do I need to get a babysitter?  Ack! I am sooooooo unprepared for this whole Rapture thing!  
Me and my poor planning.

So, I'm not terribly religious, but I do believe that there is something bigger than us out there.  Some kind of kind, benevolent, whatever watching over us.  My idea of God (for lack of a better word), does not include some angry, vengeful dude.  He's just a cool guy, with infinite wisdom who keeps an eye out, making sure we're okay, but not intervening too much, because we need to make mistakes in order to better ourselves. I don't believe it's the end of the world, and I kind of wonder about people who do.  But, who am I to judge?

Just in case though, maybe I won't make any long-term plans.  I gotta say though, my birthday is on the 24th, and if the world ends before that, I'm going to be mighty po'd.  Is a couple extra days too much to ask?



Monday, May 9, 2011

"Just One Of Those Days"

Morning all.

Been a while, I know, things have been a bit hectic around the old homestead, and I've had precious few ideas for posts. 

So, it would seem things have settled down somewhat, work done in the apartment and the resulting chaos is done for now, Mother's day has been and gone, and today I'm hit with some random overwhelming emotions that I can't quite seem to keep at bay.

I'll try to keep it brief, as I am in the middle of a coffee shop and I'd rather not burst into tears again.  This is a particularly hard time of year for me, with some hard anniversaries, a happy anniversary for me, and my birthday.  It's really no wonder that some emotions will pop up from time to time, but, being the neurotic person I am, I seem to think they should occur on the actual day I expect them to.  This way, I can process them and put them away neatly until next year.

If only it was so easy.  First off, I am overly sensitive, and pick up on the moods of others.  Several people around me have been going through some tough tough times, and I can't stand to see people hurt knowing that there's nothing I can do to fix it.  I'm a "fixer" by nature, and I like to do what I can for people, but sometimes, you just have to stand by and let the person know you're there, and find the right balance of support and respect for distance.

The anniversary of my dad's death was a few days ago, and I actually felt relatively okay for the most part.  I miss him a lot, sure, but nine years have passed, and I've processed most of that stuff, so it's getting easier.  I suspect it will always hurt a little.  

I also tend to get a little morose around mother's day, and I really don't understand it, because David is the best thing that ever happened to me. In fact, one of my happy anniversaries often coincides with mother's day, so you'd think I'd be over the moon, and I am, but still.  May 12, 2005 was the day that David's adoption became final and he was officially mine.  And it fell on Mother's day. Of course, I had no clue until the following week, but it's still a good memory.  It was also right before my 30th birthday, so I'm pretty sure that was the best gift ever.

Anyway, I think the thing about mother's day is that it brings up sadness about my mother's passing, and as much as I love seeing other people celebrate their mothers, I will admit that there is a bit of jealousy there.  I feel a bit guilty about all the things I never did or said, and that towards the end, our relationship maybe wasn't as strong as it could have been.  I had a FANTASTIC day with David though, and nary behaviour issue in sight, so that helped a lot.

Then there's my birthday.  I've always loved birthdays, and I have no issues with the aging process.  In fact, I actually find I am MORE happy with myself as I age.  I'm more trusting of my intuition and less critical of my flaws. We all have 'em.  The only real problem I see is that they seem to be getting closer together, and I'll admit I miss that yearly call where my mom would sing happy birthday to my answering machine.

Next month is the second anniversary of my mom's passing, and that one's still hard.  I'm doing okay, but it's hard.  I'll get through it though.

I think I'm at the end for now, and if you've gotten through this long rambling post, I congratulate you. I actually feel better now. =)