Saturday, April 30, 2011

Who Wants Soap?

So... want to know a secret about me?  Well, it's not really a secret, people know, but it probably SHOULD be a secret.  Okay, here it is: one of my guilty pleasures is soap operas, particularly the Young and the Restless.  There, I've said it, and I am not ashamed of it.  Well, maybe a little.  

I'm not sure when this love of soap operas started, but I remember that when I was in high school, I used to run home every day to watch Days of Our Lives, which very conveniently started at 3:30 where I lived.  In Canada, for some reason, they show Days and Y&R a day ahead of the States, so if I miss them, I can always watch the US feed the next day.  Gotta love a show that tries to work around YOUR schedule, huh?

Anyway, back to high school.  I watched Days of Our Lives, and marvelled at the fairy tales romances of couples such as Roman and Marlena  (then later John and Marlena) and Bo and Hope.  Those relationships withstood such instense hardships, and they'd be torn apart only to find their way back to each other. You know, now that I think about it, it's no wonder that I have such an unrealistic view of love. 

From DOOL, my passion turned to All My Children, and the much married Erika Kane and all her drama, and then, after a while, to The Young And The Restless, which is the only soap I'll cop to still watching to this day.

What I love about soaps is their incredibly realistic story lines that you just can't find anywhere else.  Remember when Marlena was possessed by the devil and  tried to kill John's girlfriend Kristen by tying her up  in a church and drawing evil symbols on her? Who DOESN'T have that happen to them? Why, just last week I found myself... okay, maybe they're not so realistic.  

These days, the stories are a little less far-fetched (but only a little), but they still have the power to draw me in every day.  It's a form of escapism, and when the world seems out to get me, I can always tune into Y&R and see that these people obviously have it soooooo much worse. ;)

Do you like to watch soap operas? If so, which ones, and why?

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Chillin' At The Park

Another sunny day at the park. 

You can always tell when spring comes, because, more often than not, the boy and I can be found at the park after school.  He gets rid of his excess energy by running and jumping and playing, and I amuse myself by sitting on a bench (or on a rock under a tree as is the case today) with a cup of coffee or other such beverage, and either play with my iPod, or take inspiration from the surroundings to create something, whether it be a drawing or a poem, or even a blog post. 
I haven’t always been an outdoorsy person, and I still make no claims to being a nature lover, but I will admit that it’s growing on me.  There’s just something so relaxing about a warm day spent in the sun, watching your child enjoy himself and just being. 
When I was working, by the time I picked the kid up and got home and got him fed, I was so tired that the idea of taking the boy to the park seemed like such an ordeal.  That all changed when I had to leave my job. I had all this time and so we started going to the park. At first, I had to bring stuff to keep myself busy, but after a while I realized how fun it was just to watch him play and enjoy himself.  Who doesn’t enjoy seeing their child happy?  Mom’s happy too, because when the kid burns off all that energy, his mood improves, and he sleeps better.
These days, the boy’s old enough that he plays mostly on his own, unless he wants me to watch something, at which point I drop everything and watch him.  It’s pretty awesome.  Win/win, actually.  Boy gets to play, and mommy gets a break AND quality mommy-boy time. What else could you ask for?

Wacky Times At The Ol' Park...

Hey all...

I thought I'd be different and do something along the lines of a wordless Wednesday kind of post.  Enjoy!

It's so nice to feel the ground beneath my feet again.

My darling boy

Even clowns need to play at the park!


Tuesday, April 26, 2011

A Springy, Sunshiny Day


So, it's a nice warm sunshiny day today, and I thought, to be different, I'd do my writing on the balcony.   And get a little sun while I'm at it.  I really do love my balcony, I get to look out over the downtown, and see all the goings on.  I'm a city person, it makes me happy.

One slight issue with this plan,  the sun is creating a really bad glare at my laptop which makes it impossible to see almost anything.  To rectify this, I am sitting out here with one of my son's blankets over both my head and my laptop, which fixes the glare issue, but kind of defeats the purpose of sitting out in the sun, no? Plus, I'm pretty sure anyone who can see me thinks I'm insane.

Oh well, insane looking or not, it's nice to be outside in the warm air after months of being cooped up. Winter is so long, and the spring and sunshine are definitely welcome.  

I love spring, it's a time of rebirth, where everything is fresh and new.  Everything looks brighter, and there's a certain lightness in everyone's steps.  It's a time to be creative, too.  I've taken up painting and drawing, not because I think I'm any good at them, but simply because I can. It makes me feel good. These things also make me want to write more, which is awesome.  That is my true passion, and one I'd like to engage in more often. I've always wanted to be a writer, but I never really pursued it because I doubted my ability to do it well. Either fear of failure or success has always held me back.  

This year I've done a lot of growing both emotionally and spiritually, and I'm learning to trust my instincts more.  I've had a lot of good feedback about the stuff I've written thus far, and I'm trusting that it's not just people humouring me because they love me.  It's because there's value in what I've written, and people enjoy reading it.  So, I'm going to take advantage of the season of growth and rebirth and indulge my passion for writing whenever I can.  I'm sure I'll be sharing it with you along the way.

For now though, I think I'm going to take this blanket off my head and enjoy the sun.


Friday, April 22, 2011

My New Addiction

Hi all.

I can't believe it's been more than a week since my last post! Once again, I'm a bad, bad Tara.  Oops.  The pox came through the house, and there was some other chaos too, but hopefully that's behind us now, and we can move on.

I thought today I'd fill you in about one of my passions: tattoos. It's sort of a newer thing with me. I actually got my first one in 2004, but I didn't get the 2nd until late 2010, and that is when it really took hold.

I absolutely LOVE tattoos.  A good tattoo is a work of art. In a way, I guess I am like an art gallery.  My body is the canvas on which the art is displayed.  I'm very proud to display them too, because each one has a lot of thought put into it, and a special meaning to me.  Plus, you know, there's just a certain sexiness with the juxtaposition of a sweet girl with a tattooed body. When I show my tats it's like releasing my inner rockstar. We've all got a little rockstar inside us.

My first tattoo is of a panther walking through flames.  It's in honour of my dad. To me, the flames are life's trials, and the panther making it through unscathed means that no matter how tough things get, I'll always make it through okay.  I've got that one on my calf.  I actually bought it as a temporary tattoo because it was cute, and carried it around for two years before I decided to make it permanent. I think keeping it so long is the reason  I don't regret getting it.  

After that, I really wanted another, but I don't believe in getting tattooed just for the sake of doing it.  Plus, shortly after the first one, I became a mother, and the practical side of me couldn't justify spending the money.

My second tattoo is a monarch butterfly on my right forearm.  I will admit that this one is a bit of an impulsive thing.  I'd been chatting on Twitter with a local tattoo artist, and he showed me something he wanted to do, and I just had to do it.  It's funny, because I'm not really a butterfly person, but it was just too beautiful. Plus, it was sort of fitting, because I am going through a metamorphosis of sorts in my life.

Tattoo 3 and 4 I actually got the same day, because, well, I could.  All my life, I've been madly in love with Hello Kitty.  She's like an old friend.  I found a picture of her dressed like a geisha, and fell in love. When the opportunity came up, I showed my guy the picture, and he came up with a drawing that I loved. Now my friend sits on my left shoulder blade.

The other tattoo I got that day is a pink ribbon on my left forearm to honour my mother, who lost her left breast to cancer. She wasn't really happy with me when I got the first tattoo (the only one she saw), but somehow, I think she'd like it.

That's all I've got now, but I definitely see more in my future. I've got ideas for at least 3 more, now all I need is a magical money tree to make them a reality. :)

How about you? Do you have any tattoos?  Do you want any?  Leave me a comment below and let me know!  In the meantime, enjoy my photos.


Wednesday, April 13, 2011

A Pox On Your House!


Okay, okay, I've been a very bad girl.  I have not blogged in ten whole days.  I know, it's probably a little conceited of me to think that my followers are sitting there with baited breath, awaiting my next entry, but still...  This is like my therapy, so ten days is a lot!  

So, what's been happening here, you ask?  Well, there's a pox on my house!  Despite being vaccinated, the boy has caught chicken pox.  It's not so bad, it's a mild case, he missed 2 days of school, and then went back.  Apparently, the school doesn't care if the kids with the pox show up at school.  

So, it's just chicken pox, no big deal, right? Well, not entirely.  Auntie has a terrible immune system, and Mommy?  Mommy's never had chicken pox.  Eek!  A couple days later, and we've determined that he's given the pox to Auntie, who's not feeling so hot, and so far, Mom's got a couple spots of unknown origin. It's probably nothing, but I've decided to be all dramatic about it. It's my prerogative.  Tee hee hee.  

Then there's the other possibility. A week or two ago, I had this strange, horribly itchy rash on my arms, and I thought it was an allergic reaction to something.  It occurs to me though that the spots looked a lot like the boy's do.  It's entirely possible that I actually gave him the chicken pox.  Oops. Sorry, kid.  

Anyway... that's what we've been doing here this week! I'm hoping for healthiness next week, since 2011 has not been a good year for the boy.  

Talk at ya soon!

Sunday, April 3, 2011

I'm a poetry writing machine!

Hey, all.

I hope this evening finds you well.  I'm feeling a lot more like myself, I think I had a lot of stuff in me that just needed to get out, and so yesterday's blog post was incredibly cathartic.  Phew! I feel a million times lighter.

Yesterday, I went out with my friend Kelly and her son for coffee, and a little shopping.  We ended up at a toy store, and on a whim, I decided to ask if they carried the magnetic poetry kits. And guess what? THEY DO!  I think you all remember a month or so back when I went to the art studio, and wrote some really awesome poems with the magnetic words. I've wanted my own ever since.

I got all excited, and ran up to Kelly, going, "Look what I just found?!?!?!"  I remember saying, I want them, but can't really afford to buy them, and she just said, "Can you afford not to?" Well, you can't really argue with that logic, so I bought them! Tee hee hee.

I'm not really sure what it is about the magnets that facilitate my poetry.  It's not like they contain words that are new to me or anything. I think I just like the visual aspect of it. The words are there for me to see, and I choose them based on what feels right to me. I don't over think it, I basically just let the magnets tell me what the poem should look like. Maybe that makes me sound a little cuckoo, but that's okay, it's working for me. 

This is a poem I wrote a little while ago about a person who's been causing pain to people I care about:

Ugly bitter girl,
Like a frantic drunk sausage
will sleep with a thousand men,
and heave an enormous storm.
Her sordid lies crush you.
A repulsive goddess,
She eats beauty
and drives you beneath the shadow.

This is an erotic poem I wrote yesterday!

Love shines like a thousand diamonds.
Sweet goddess lies beneath you,
Panting and moaning,
She screams as you pound together.
Her blood runs hot from the frantic play.
Whisper to her, and sing her to sleep.
The woman is beauty...
And she worships you.

Hope you enjoy those, there's sure to be more. 


Saturday, April 2, 2011

A Letter For My Mom.

Dear Mom,

Your birthday is coming up again, and I've been spending a lot of time thinking of you. It's the second birthday without you, and while it's a little easier than it was last year, I still really miss you.  I can't believe you've been gone almost 2 years.

I often wonder if you can see what's going on down here, and, if you can, how do you feel about it?  A lot has changed.  My health has been a bit of a challenge, but I am managing. I left a job that you know I was miserable in for a long long time, even though I was good at it.  I've grown spiritually, and emotionally, and everything that has happened has made me a better person. At least, I hope it has.  I like to think that you'd be proud of me.

David has grown so much. He's not a baby anymore.  He's doing well in school, despite his issues, and he's a sweet and loving kid.  He still reminds me a lot of daddy, but his sense of humour reminds me so much of you. He's really awesome, and I'm glad you got to meet him. 

Although sometimes, the pain of missing you is really bad, I'm doing okay. No need to worry. I think I did a lot better when you died than when daddy did because now it's about more than me. I'm a mother now, and I have David to take care of.  Please don't think that means I loved you any less, because I have and always will love you with everything I have. I'm just a stronger person now, I have to be.  Plus, in the end, you suffered a lot, and I'm grateful that you found rest.

I think about you every day, mom, and I hope you know that. I try not to dwell on  the hard stuff, since I prefer to remember your laughter and happy spirit. That is the greatest gift you gave to me, and I hope that some day David says the same of me.

I love you,

Friday, April 1, 2011

In a funk...

Hey all.

So... son has been gone a week, and I have done precious little to enjoy myself while he's been gone. It's official: I'm in a funk.

I'm not going to go out of my way to analyse  the whys of it, I just want it to end. The funk, that is. It's ruining my happy go lucky vibe, and it's really really annoying.  I'm not sleeping right, and I seem to be alternating not eating with over eating. I burst into tears without provocation, and today I'm taking everything, even things that have nothing to do with me, extremely personally. 

To top it off, I feel like I should have done more with my time while the boy's been gone. Mommy time is precious, and when I take care of me, I'm refreshed when he gets home. I just can't seem to get motivated though. I had that really awesome day taking pictures with Froot Loops, but it's all sort of been downhill from there.  I've been lazy.

I think I just need to remember to push myself to get out when I feel like this. Tuesday, my cousin and  I took a walk, and we got slurpees, and went to the Asian supermarket for goodies. That was good, I felt better for the exercise.

I was out all day yesterday, but I had stayed up all night working on the house, so everywhere I went, it was a challenge just staying awake. Then when I got home, all I wanted to do was sleep. Today hasn't been much better, I'm still messed up by the lack of sleep, and I had the worst reflux this morning, and I'm a mess.

This is how I know I'm depressed, I hate complaining, and here I am doing just that. NOT  GOOD!  I have been trying to get myself out of the house all day, and I finally succeeded at 8:30 pm.  I've been sitting in a coffee shop for the last hour and a half, and while it hasn't made me feel any better, at least I'm getting a change of scenery, right?  

Anyway, tomorrow is another day, and once again I'll make an effort. Who knows, maybe it'll be a good day. One can always hope.  

What do you do to get yourself out of a funk? Any pointers for me?