A Look Ahead at 2012

Here we are, at the start of another new year. I swear the years are getting shorter, but, well, that's probably that pesky ageing process. In any event, we're here, and we have a whole new year laid out before us on which to imprint a little bit of ourselves.

You're most likely going to read a slew of posts in the next little while talking about resolutions. This won't be one of them.  I don't really make resolutions. I believe that if you want or need to make a change in your life, you should do it when it feels right, and maybe that way you'll find it easier to stick to.  Why wait until some random moment to improve? Live in the moment!


That said, I'd be lying if I didn't admit that this time of year does tend to push me into doing some deep thinking and analysis of where my life is headed. I look  at the past twelve months and try to figure out what, if anything, I've learned, and where I'd like to see myself going in the next year. Then I decide how to make that happen. Are they resolutions? I'm sure some people will say so, but I don't call them that. To me, a resolution is just something you think of because you feel like you have to do something. I set loose goals, things I want to do, things I will do, but they're not the standard things like losing weight, or quitting smoking, or any of those things.


If you read my last post, which I hope you did, you'd see I learned quite a lot about myself. I started this blog, which pretty much triggered a landslide of creative endeavours.  I discovered photography, and I started painting again. Most of all, I felt GOOD about these things. As a kid, I was very creative, and imaginative, but it wasn't really ever nurtured in me, so I never really accepted that I was any good at anything creative. I don't think it was intentional, so this won't turn into a huge 'bash Tara's parents' post. It's just how it was.


In 2011, I was fortunate enough to spend some time with people who really helped me see that I could try my hands at whatever I wanted, and not stress so much about the end result. Sure, I'd love for everything I do to turn out well, but art for me is so much more about the process.  When I create, it feeds something in me, and when that part of me is sated, it just sends so much energy to the rest of me that makes me so good inside. And when you feel good, you tend to spread  that feeling to others. Don't get me wrong, I'm by no means a master of every art form I attempt, but you know what? Who cares? It's okay.


I feel like 2012 is my year. I've got some big big plans.  I want to continue to improve my writing, so to that end, I'm going to be building my own personal website, which I hope to have going by mid to late January. The website will be the new home for this blog.  I'm also starting a new blog, which I've finally named. It will be called Epic WINnipeg, and it will be all about my passion for my hometown.  I really hope you'll like it.


I would also like to continue learning and growing as a photographer. I have no formal training, but I am learning all the time, and it's a huge labour of love for me. Froot Loops and family will have a role in this progression too. They have a big big project coming up, but I'm not going to tell you what that is. You'll have to wait for my website to be up to find out!  Soon, my pretties!


I'm also going to be working on my painting. Of all the things I do, I'm probably least comfortable with my painting skills, which means I need to do it more! Practice practice practice! I'm a big fan of doing things that make you uncomfortable, since it's a sure fire way to find growth. 


Away from the creative side, I want to continue to enjoy life with my boy and friends and family. I've really enjoyed how much more relaxed as a person I've been the last year. Things haven't gone entirely smoothly, but overall I find I'm just in a better place, and I think that benefits others just as much as it benefits me. I'd like to be able to pay it forward too. I've had a lot of people who've been so helpful and supportive, and I'd like to give back in that regard. In the last little while, I was able to do that financially, and I did, but that won't always be the case, so I look forward to finding other ways to make life better for those around me.


Big big things ahead this year for me! What are you looking forward to in 2012? Leave me a note in the comments below!


Cheers!
Tara

Small People, Big Issues

Tonight, the boy and I began "the talk."  You know, the conversation that a lot of parents dread, yet know they will have to have someday?  Yes, THAT talk.  I knew it was coming, and yes, I'm pretty sure that I've been fearing it since he learned to talk.
  So, tonight it happened, and you know what? It wasn't that bad. In fact, it happened so organically that I don't even think I realized it was happening until it was over!  That's always been a fear of mine... how will I ever know how far to take the conversation?  What if I screw up?    Anyone who knows me knows that I'm fairly neurotic, so it should really come as no surprise that I've been worrying for years about having this subject come up.


I can't even remember what we were talking about, to be honest.  Somehow though, the conversation turned to the cats.  The boy seemed very concerned about the cats, and whether they were adults or still kittens.  Now, I am not sure why he was concerned, but he was.  Then he started asking about a cat we used to have, our beloved cat Fuzzby, and he said he thought maybe the cats we have now were still kittens, because they were nowhere near as large as he was.  So, I explained that Fuzzby was just a really big cat.


This answer didn't seem to satisfy him, and he wondered why he was so big.  I told him that sometimes, when cats get neutered, they get fat.  I went on to tell him that you get your boy cats neutered so they don't make any babies.  And I'm pretty sure this is where the conversation went off the rails.  And how.


Now, anyone who knows us knows the boy shares my flair for the dramatic, and in that fashion, he sits straight up and says, "OH.MY.GOD. BOYS MAKE BABIES TOOO?!?!"  I let him digest that for a moment and confirm that yes, it takes a girl AND a boy to make a baby.  And he looks at me, and I'm wondering if I should go farther or leave it there for now, but he just says, "Ok, so a boy gets with a girl and they make a baby together. Ok."  And that was pretty much it.  Conversation started.


I'm quite pleased with how it turned out, and now that it's begun, I think any further discussion will be easier, because we've laid a bit of ground work.  I plan to be honest about it, because I think a lot of times, in an effort to protect our kids, we tend to underestimate how smart they really are and how much they can handle.  I've learned, to that they'll let you know when they've heard enough.  


Ah, the joys of parenthood.  Best.Job.Ever.

Finding My Voice

Afternoon, all.


I know this is sort of a recurring theme here, but I think that when something keeps popping into your head, you really need to explore it.  2011 is my year of self discovery, or, rather, re-self discovery.  I don't really know what sparked it, but I have to say that I have learned an awful lot about who I am, who I want to be. Turns out that I'm a lot different than who I thought I was.  


I've often considered myself shy and introverted, socially a bit awkward.  Most of my friends seem to think otherwise.  It took a lot of work to put myself out there for the first time.  And people responded really well.  At first, I thought that being my friends, they were just humouring me. But then I realized that real friends don't do that. Real friends will tell you straight up whether you are doing something good, or whether you should just keep your mouth shut.


And so, I carried on. I "put myself out there," as it were, and the more I did it, the easier it got. The more positive feedback I got, the more I wanted to say what was on my mind, without fear. I started participating more in discussions, and not fearing that no one wanted to hear what I had to say, or worrying that I wouldn't be qualified to participate. 


To that end, tonight I am going to be participating in a panel discussion about cosmetic surgery. I'm nervous, sure, but I know I'll do fine. It's all a learning process here, right? I'm going to  say what I think, and learn from the other women on the panel. And, above all, I am going to have fun. If you want to listen, stream it  live tonight at 8:30 central time at http://girltalkwithmarlo.com  If you listen, tell me what you think!


I have a voice, and I'm not afraid to use it! I'm going to use my silly voice, my serious, my  mommy voice, and whatever other voices are in there! Have YOU found your voice? What's it saying! Leave a comment!


Tara

Feeling Inspired.

Afternoon all.


So, this sort of goes back to a post about art that I wrote about a week ago. I've been thinking a lot about this topic, and what is and isn't art. Well, more like obsessing. 


Last night, I visited my artist friend's studio space, and my eyes were really opened to all the beauty in the world. It's not normally something I would do, in fact, upon being asked, I probably would have told you I wouldn't enjoy all that "artsy fartsy crap."


But, I left my comfort zone, which has been a huge issue for me. I tend to stick to myself, and the same boring activities. I tend to get uncomfortable around groups of people.  You know what though? It was fantastic! I think it was helpful  that I went with only two people, and they were people I trust. There was so much there to see and do, and I soaked it all in, and before I knew it, I just wanted to create.


To that end, I wrote a couple of new poems last night using those little magnet words. I found it so interesting, because the words are there, you just have to use them.  They're unedited, for the most part, because I find that I tend to second guess myself so much when I write that it loses all the original feeling.  


Enjoy!


Languid beauty
sky goddess
delicate mother, please whisper
who but me aches after we part?
A sweet symphony of luscious time
above the void...
I fall with you.


........


chocolate finger,
enormous lust beneath the picture
manipulate through the spring garden and trudge deliriously
Elaborate the light, and think summer
Drive fast and leave no shadow, but stop and dream.
Vision is gorgeous
love the moment
smell my honey.

Woohoo! A break!

Morning, all.

Sorry for the lapse in posts, but it's been a rough few days, and I've been rather sleep deprived.  When you're really tired, it's sometimes hard to get your thoughts out, and so anything I posted would likely have made little to no sense. I'm back now though, almost caught up, and ready to rock and or roll.

Let me just say that I love my child with all my heart and soul, but I am very happy that he is back to school today. He's been at home recovering for a week, and, while I love spending time with him, the last few days have been a little rough.

Recovery from his surgery went quite well, but he started with a low grade fever Friday night. This is quite normal after surgery, and I was able to get it down with some Tylenol. Fine. Of course, then he'd start feeling better and drive it right back up! Kids just need to move, I get it.

Saturday night he went to bed just fine, but he got really restless during the night, and didn't get much sleep. It spiralled rapidly downhill from there, and Sunday night, he decided he didn't need to sleep AT ALL, which, as parents know, means you don't sleep either.  

So it's been a few days of child who doesn't sleep, and then gets moody and disrespectful, and at times downright hurtful. Not fun. I know that it's just a temporary thing, and that it's because his routine is all messed up, but still. It doesn't make it easier. We've been together all week, and neither of us feels well, him due to surgery, and me because lack of sleep triggers my Meniere's. We both need a break. Yay school!