Tonight, the boy and I began "the talk." You know, the conversation that a lot of parents dread, yet know they will have to have someday? Yes, THAT talk. I knew it was coming, and yes, I'm pretty sure that I've been fearing it since he learned to talk. So, tonight it happened, and you know what? It wasn't that bad. In fact, it happened so organically that I don't even think I realized it was happening until it was over! That's always been a fear of mine... how will I ever know how far to take the conversation? What if I screw up? Anyone who knows me knows that I'm fairly neurotic, so it should really come as no surprise that I've been worrying for years about having this subject come up.
I can't even remember what we were talking about, to be honest. Somehow though, the conversation turned to the cats. The boy seemed very concerned about the cats, and whether they were adults or still kittens. Now, I am not sure why he was concerned, but he was. Then he started asking about a cat we used to have, our beloved cat Fuzzby, and he said he thought maybe the cats we have now were still kittens, because they were nowhere near as large as he was. So, I explained that Fuzzby was just a really big cat.
This answer didn't seem to satisfy him, and he wondered why he was so big. I told him that sometimes, when cats get neutered, they get fat. I went on to tell him that you get your boy cats neutered so they don't make any babies. And I'm pretty sure this is where the conversation went off the rails. And how.
Now, anyone who knows us knows the boy shares my flair for the dramatic, and in that fashion, he sits straight up and says, "OH.MY.GOD. BOYS MAKE BABIES TOOO?!?!" I let him digest that for a moment and confirm that yes, it takes a girl AND a boy to make a baby. And he looks at me, and I'm wondering if I should go farther or leave it there for now, but he just says, "Ok, so a boy gets with a girl and they make a baby together. Ok." And that was pretty much it. Conversation started.
I'm quite pleased with how it turned out, and now that it's begun, I think any further discussion will be easier, because we've laid a bit of ground work. I plan to be honest about it, because I think a lot of times, in an effort to protect our kids, we tend to underestimate how smart they really are and how much they can handle. I've learned, to that they'll let you know when they've heard enough.
It's that time of year again. Fall has arrived (well, almost). The leaves are changing colour and falling from the trees, the bulk of the summer heat has left us, and the days are getting shorter.
While weather-wise, I will admit, I am not a fan of fall, I have to say that I see it's appeal. The colours around us are so dynamic and the leaves on the ground, if raked into a pile, lead to endless fun for the kiddies.
This time of year is great too, because the routine returns to our lives. The kids have gone back to school, and while we can't just pick up and go any more, it is good to be back to "the grind." As much as I adore the freedom that summer brings, I will admit that I do so much better when I have a routine. I would really like to believe that I am awesomely self motivated, and I guess I am to a certain extent, but I really do need deadlines, and fall is good for that.
Fall is also a time of new beginnings. New scenery, new friends, new opportunities. To that end, I have chosen the fall to start a few new projects. As you all may know, I have been working at improving my photography skills, since I have discovered that is a huge passion of mine. In the next little while, I will be opening a web store to showcase some of my work. I hope to have it open in the next day or two, and I hope you like it. In the long run, I want to have my own photography website, but I am starting small for now.
I also plan on overhauling my blogs in the hopes of getting them "out there" a little bit more. I don't plan on making huge changes, but rather little tweaks here and there. I'm going to make more effort to update them regularly and market them more effectively, as I would really like the freedom to work outside the home less, and in the home more. I want to have the freedom to live comfortably and work hard, while still being here to be with my child. I think that the time I've had off has taught me a lot about my priorities.
Right now though, I am on the hunt for an outside job in a field that is completely new to me. I know that I can't physically do the work I was doing, and so I have re-done my resume to reflect my desire to do something that both challenges and inspires me. For the first time in my life, I am actually excited about the direction in which things are headed.
What about you? How do you feel about this time of year? Are you a fall lover? What are your plans for the coming season? Leave me a comment below!
Have I ever mentioned that I love summer? Because I do, I really, really do. Granted, in Winnipeg, it's fairly short, but still... it's hot and lovely baby! Good things happen in the summer, because it's so much more relaxed and free.
What's on board this summer? Lots of time at the splash pad, and the park. Even if he's getting to an age where he wishes to interact with me less while we're out, it's still nice to spend time with the boy. While he splashes and plays, I can read a book, or draw, or write, or I can just lay around and enjoy the sunshine. That's good too.
We also just got a family membership to the Y, so we are there quite a bit, too. The boy is in a summer program for the next several weeks at school, so while he's there, I go work out and try to get this old body of mine overhauled and back to fighting weight. I'm sure I'll be posting about that too, as time goes on, because I find if I talk about it more, I'm more accountable. When I was younger, motivation wasn't an issue, but these days, it seems that there are so many things that I like to get done when the boy's at school that I feel like something's gotta give, you know? Often times, it's the workout, which is the sad thing. I need to do something about that though, for health reasons, and just because working out makes me feel good.
Another thing I'm excited about this summer is the Winnipeg Fringe festival, which starts today! I've really become a fan of it the last few years, and it's something I enjoy immensely. I love the chance to see live theatre, and it's less expensive and more accessible, so it's really awesome. Plus, the vibe in the area is so exciting and electric. How can you not pick up on it?
Anywho, just thought I'd check in, since I've been a bit of a lazy bum, and give you a glimpse of what was going on in our little world. I hope in the next little while to have some other exciting news for you, but we'll have to see how it all pans out. In the meantime, leave a comment telling me what YOU like about summer!
I absolutely love this time of year. Warm weather, blue skies, sunshine. There's just so much to do, and so much to see. Beauty abounds, it really does. Don't get me wrong, there's a certain beauty to the winter, but for me, summer is where it's at.
One of my favourite things to do in the summer is walk. Not only is it good exercise, but it's a good time to think, and unwind. In the past, I've needed a purpose to my walks. I found that I would tend to give up if I didn't have to be somewhere.
Something's changed though. I've started enjoying looking out at my city, and seeing all the beauty that's out there. Even in the scruffiest of neighbourhoods, there's beauty to be found. To that end, I started making sure that I never leave the house without my camera and video camera. Too many times I'd see something that I'd really like and wish I had my camera. That doesn't happen now.
At first, it was a little difficult. I'd spend so much time "looking" for a good shot that I often missed the most interesting things. I thought that I had to take my photos based on what I thought others would like, when all along, the only person I had to please was me. So, I started taking pictures of what interested me, and soon enough, I found that it was second nature.
These days, when I go on my camera walks, I let the camera decide where we're going. I know that sounds like a really odd thing to say, but it's pretty much what happens. I don't plan, really, other than deciding on a direction to start out in. I do what feels right. That really works for me. I take a lot of photos that look interesting to me, and people seem to like them as well. At first I worried that they were only humouring me, but as I get more comfortable with it, my confidence has soared.
Today, I had some child free time, and my cameras and I went out for a walk. And soon enough, I was in my zone, taking my photos and feeling good. As I walked, I got an idea for a painting I wanted to do, and an idea for another project I had been planning, and I started thinking about how awesome life is. Sure, there are troubles that come up sometimes, and it's not always easy, but it's definitely worth it to be alive, and to get out there and experience the world. It's so easy to get trapped in a negative mindset, but I just can't do it. There's just so much to be happy for.
I walked through a park, and was looking at this piece that had all these sayings on it, and while I was snapping off pictures I realized how happy I am that this creative side of me was unleashed. I love creating, and the more I create, the more I want to create, and the more I feel I have to create. Taking pictures is definitely what I feel drawn to, it's like a living, breathing being that needs to come out, or it'll eat me from the inside out. You know, nothing dramatic, or anything. Hehehe.
I think that, when I grow up, I want to be a photographer. I think I've got a pretty good eye, and, while I don't know much about the finer points of photography, I can certainly learn, can't I? It feels right, so I'm definitely going to see what I can do to further this goal, and in the meantime, I'm going to keep snapping away.
Have I ever told you how much I love the sun? Such a bright, happy ball of warmth. Fills me with joy, it does. Of course, as a rule, I am an optimist, so it doesn't take much to fill me with joy. I have my moments however, like everyone else does, but they pass. Life is about how you look at things. I choose to find a silver lining in any cloud, and after a lifetime of practice, I've become pretty damn good at it.
Some people follow the Law of Attraction, and things in that vein, but it's not my thing. I don't begrudge them their beliefs, so long as they respect mine. It's been around for a long long time, and there is something to it, but it's not the be all, end all, in my opinion. Like attracts like, eh? Well, you reap what you sow, that's true, but there's more to it than that.
I think if you want to succeed at life, you need to work for it. It's not enough to wish, you have to put some action behind it. Life is about the process, not the end result. I think if you try to remain positive and do the best you can to achieve your goals, then you've lived a good life. To me, crediting a good outcome on some "law" negates all the hard work you put in.
I know most people who follow a lot of these philosophies are sane, rational people, but there is that small handful that take it overboard. Just like religion. If you don't believe as I do, it's no wonder bad things happen. That's not how life is at all. Sometimes, shit just happens. We can choose to learn from it, or we can dwell. We don't need to be told that we "attracted" it. Just because I don't believe in certain things doesn't mean I mean I am less positive, or that I deserve bad things to happen. It just means I am different.
And anyway, how boring would life be if we all were the same? I love that we're all so different. We can have different views and still happily co-exist. That's a pretty awesome thing right there. Just keep it respectful.
With all the talk about the Rapture lately, anyone else find themselves singing, "It's the end of the world as we know it," in their heads on a regular basis? Is it just me? Surely I'm not the only neurotic one here.
I was all set for an apocalyptic end in 2012, but then a few months ago, I learned that the end was actually coming on May 21. It must be true, too, because everybody's talking about it, and there's billboards popping up all over the place. Truth in advertising, right?
Here it is, only 6 days away, and I haven't made any plans. I thought I had longer, and the lack of a looming deadline tends to make me procrastinate. So, what do I do? Does anyone know what time it's at? Is there a dress code? Is it family friendly, or do I need to get a babysitter? Ack! I am sooooooo unprepared for this whole Rapture thing! Me and my poor planning.
So, I'm not terribly religious, but I do believe that there is something bigger than us out there. Some kind of kind, benevolent, whatever watching over us. My idea of God (for lack of a better word), does not include some angry, vengeful dude. He's just a cool guy, with infinite wisdom who keeps an eye out, making sure we're okay, but not intervening too much, because we need to make mistakes in order to better ourselves. I don't believe it's the end of the world, and I kind of wonder about people who do. But, who am I to judge?
Just in case though, maybe I won't make any long-term plans. I gotta say though, my birthday is on the 24th, and if the world ends before that, I'm going to be mighty po'd. Is a couple extra days too much to ask?
Been a while, I know, things have been a bit hectic around the old homestead, and I've had precious few ideas for posts.
So, it would seem things have settled down somewhat, work done in the apartment and the resulting chaos is done for now, Mother's day has been and gone, and today I'm hit with some random overwhelming emotions that I can't quite seem to keep at bay.
I'll try to keep it brief, as I am in the middle of a coffee shop and I'd rather not burst into tears again. This is a particularly hard time of year for me, with some hard anniversaries, a happy anniversary for me, and my birthday. It's really no wonder that some emotions will pop up from time to time, but, being the neurotic person I am, I seem to think they should occur on the actual day I expect them to. This way, I can process them and put them away neatly until next year.
If only it was so easy. First off, I am overly sensitive, and pick up on the moods of others. Several people around me have been going through some tough tough times, and I can't stand to see people hurt knowing that there's nothing I can do to fix it. I'm a "fixer" by nature, and I like to do what I can for people, but sometimes, you just have to stand by and let the person know you're there, and find the right balance of support and respect for distance.
The anniversary of my dad's death was a few days ago, and I actually felt relatively okay for the most part. I miss him a lot, sure, but nine years have passed, and I've processed most of that stuff, so it's getting easier. I suspect it will always hurt a little.
I also tend to get a little morose around mother's day, and I really don't understand it, because David is the best thing that ever happened to me. In fact, one of my happy anniversaries often coincides with mother's day, so you'd think I'd be over the moon, and I am, but still. May 12, 2005 was the day that David's adoption became final and he was officially mine. And it fell on Mother's day. Of course, I had no clue until the following week, but it's still a good memory. It was also right before my 30th birthday, so I'm pretty sure that was the best gift ever.
Anyway, I think the thing about mother's day is that it brings up sadness about my mother's passing, and as much as I love seeing other people celebrate their mothers, I will admit that there is a bit of jealousy there. I feel a bit guilty about all the things I never did or said, and that towards the end, our relationship maybe wasn't as strong as it could have been. I had a FANTASTIC day with David though, and nary behaviour issue in sight, so that helped a lot.
Then there's my birthday. I've always loved birthdays, and I have no issues with the aging process. In fact, I actually find I am MORE happy with myself as I age. I'm more trusting of my intuition and less critical of my flaws. We all have 'em. The only real problem I see is that they seem to be getting closer together, and I'll admit I miss that yearly call where my mom would sing happy birthday to my answering machine.
Next month is the second anniversary of my mom's passing, and that one's still hard. I'm doing okay, but it's hard. I'll get through it though.
I think I'm at the end for now, and if you've gotten through this long rambling post, I congratulate you. I actually feel better now. =)
